Picture the scene. It is the ACME desert, Somewhere in the MIDDLE of nowhere.......... somewhere EAST of here ........
In a bizarre turn of events that left one desert dwelling mammal questioning his life choices, the notorious Roadrunner recently made a trip to the legendary Acme Shed with a shopping list that reads like something out of a mad scientist's handbook. On the menu: explosives. The target? Telephones, toilets, and televisions. Oh and a few pagers on the side.
The beep-beep bandit strutted into Acme’s one-stop explosives shop, clacked his beak, and casually ordered “three bundles of TNT, two sticks of dynamite, and a side of nitroglycerin—hold the fuse.”
The Acme clerk, probably used to bizarre requests from desert-dwelling predators, didn’t even blink as the order was processed. Roadrunner grabbed his volatile goodies and zoomed out, leaving nothing but a cloud of dust and a confusing sales receipt.
Boom Goes the Bathroom
Wile E. Coyote, our ever-hopeful (and hopeless) anti-hero, soon found out that his bathroom routine would never be the same again. Feeling safe after a long day of devising new harebrained schemes to catch Roadrunner, Wile E. trotted innocently toward his porcelain throne, magazine in hand. Little did he know that the bird with the need for speed had set up a trap.
The second he sat down—BOOM! The toilet exploded with the fury of a thousand cartoon sound effects. Wile E. flew straight out of his humble abode and landed in a cactus patch, ears ringing and tail singed. The bathroom? Vapourised. The only thing left was a cracked, smoking ring ( on the bathtub ) and a shortened fuse for the future.
Now, Wile E. faces the ultimate desert dilemma: to risk another explosive mishap or to resort to the nearest shrubbery. Cacti, however, don’t make comfortable alternatives.
Exploding Telephones and TV Trauma
Still recovering from his porcelain pyrotechnic disaster, Wile E. tried calling the Acme customer service hotline to file a complaint against his usual bad luck. But just as he dialed the number—KABOOM!
The phone shot sparks like a fireworks display, sending him flying backward. The coyote, now vibrating from the shock, decided that all communication could be done through smoke signals.
When he thought things couldn’t get any worse, Wile E. attempted to watch a bit of TV to calm his frazzled nerves. But guess what Roadrunner had done? That’s right, a dynamite encore. The moment Wile E. pressed the power button, his flat-screen blew up in a dazzling display of sparks, leaving the poor coyote wide-eyed and twitching, fur singed again.
He foraged in the kitchen drawer and found an old Motorola pager and within a few seconds, the old familiar " beep beep " issued forth. Five seconds later, he was at the bottom of the canyon and knew his days of spreading the old Coyote charm were over, all gone up in balls of fire.
Life After the Blasts
Wile E. now lives in a permanent state of paranoia. He no longer trusts toilets (who would?), won’t answer phones (understandable), and he’s sworn off TV entirely—though, given his history of explosive failures, it’s doubtful anyone will miss him given his exploits are stored in countless records recorded by Looney Tunes. Or is that ABC, NBC, et al... "
The once-determined coyote, known for his relentless pursuit of Roadrunner, has taken up a new hobby: staying far, far away from anything remotely shaped like a bird, a toilet, a taco or an egg timer. He’s also started a therapy group for desert animals suffering from explosive-induced PTSD. Rumour has it that his first meeting ended with a coyote-sized hole in the ceiling after someone brought out a fake pager as a joke.
Roadrunner, meanwhile, hasn’t stopped his antics. He’s moved on to rigging doorbells and has already placed a surprisingly large order for "suspiciously even smaller grenades" from Acme. It seems this bird’s explosive shopping spree is far from over. Mosquitoes are now being treated as potential carriers of weapons of mass destruction.
As for Wile E. Coyote? He’s decided to spend the rest of his days trying to outwit something simpler, like a rock or maybe even a tumbleweed. But with Acme in the picture, who knows if even that’s safe anymore.
Stay tuned—if your TV doesn’t explode first. Beep beep!
