A man is talking to God and asks, “God, how long is a million years?”
God answers, “To me, it’s about a minute.”
“God, how much is a million dollars?”
“To me, it’s a penny.”
“God, may I have a penny?”
“Wait a minute.”
I could have saved pages and pages of work for the government with the budget.
A new simplified tax return.
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
“ Do not touch “ must be one of the scariest things to read in braille …
Just read a press release from Heinz saying: ‘We will NEVER make a Bolognese version of Alphabetti Spaghetti’. I thought blimey they don’t mince their words.
After watching the film, I decided to apply for a job. I just had a call. I got it. I've just been accepted for a senior position at Old McDonald's farm.
I went for meal with a load of electricians last night.
None of them wanted starters they just went straight for the mains. Then we all went ohm. Sorry for the negative post. It's probably a bit of a shock but the food was re volt ing. It was a fusion restaurant.
Someone has stolen all the bus stop signs from our street...
Fookin hell, where do these people get off?
Seamus goes to a Catholic Church , and is making a confession : Man : "Father , I am 75 years old ... I have been married for 50 years ... All these years I had been faithful to my wife , but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old ..." Father : "When was the last time you made a confession ..?" Man : "I never have , I am Protestant..." Father : "Then why are telling ME all this ..?" Man : "Telling YOU ?? ... I’m Fookin telling EVERYBODY ..!"
Paddy's in court.. and after an 8 hour trial he pleads guilty.
The Judge says: "why didn't you plead guilty at first and save the court all this time?"
Paddy says: "I thought I was innocent until I heard the evidence." ????
Seamus went up to the Qantas check-in desk this morning.
The girl asked: "Do you have reservations?"
He said: "Yes, but I'm flying with you anyway."
I know this might not be suitable for this page but I am asking everyone to wish me luck.
I am on my way to speak to the bank manager, and if things work out for me my life will be drastically changed....I'm talking millions here!!
I am so excited I can barely get the stocking over my head!!
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
In European folklore, the leprechaun, gnome, and goblin have earned their places as timeless characters,…
62 hits
It was the annual General Meeting of the The Great Cavern Roundtable (An actual roundtable!…
183 hits
All you leftie luvvie Trump hating Americans who promised to leave America and head to…
292 hits
The 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month holds profound significance in…
262 hits
I REMEMBER WHEN Armistice Day was commemorated spontaneously, reverently and universally. As a kid at…
276 hits
E.D. Butler (1916–2006) was an influential Australian nationalist and founder of the Australian League of…
230 hits
This morning I went outside to sit in the sunshine and have a morning cup…
312 hits
Sir Winston Churchill and Donald Trump are two towering, if unlikely, figures in the political landscapes…
212 hits
When I was young, I had the honour of voting in my first election. It…
297 hits
Phar Lap, the legendary Australian racehorse, and Donald Trump, the American business magnate turned political…
244 hits
Of recent days, it has come to my attention that being thrifty is something that…
260 hits
A recent court decision has left many Australians angry. The case involving Senator Pauline Hanson…
269 hits
I’ve started and restarted this article, pondered how to avoid hurting anyone’s sensitivities, and in…
271 hits
40 hits
In a defining moment of World War I, British forces led by General Edmund Allenby…
255 hits
Beersheba is a name that should resonate with every Australian with the same ease and…
338 hits
Virtually all political persuasions agree on the need for police. For libertarians, maintaining a criminal…
272 hits
How have we come to this mess in the Middle East? The strange thing is…
284 hits
I was 15 years old and I wanted to learn to drive. My brothers scarpered.…
284 hits
In today’s polarised political climate, rhetoric plays a pivotal role in shaping public perception and…
288 hits
Few cars trigger as much nostalgia as the iconic Mini. Born in post-war Britain, the…
278 hits
51 hits
Imagine waking up one day to a world where coal and oil no longer exist.…
295 hits
For over a century, oil and coal have been at the heart of the global…
304 hits
The history of kerosene and the subsequent development of the oil industry is a fascinating…
323 hits
I have often pondered why mankind decided to go after the humble whale. After all,…
253 hits
In the heart of Australia’s wild Kimberley, where the sun scorches the red earth and…
252 hits
Banjo Paterson is the giant of Australian literature and folk law. His exploits in this…
284 hits
69 hits
Our elected Government Representatives are defying our wishes and importing terrorists. They are importing people…
274 hits