I have just heard from a twitter friend that her brain Cancer has returned after 17 years of being in remission. My heart sank – I know, all too well, that fear of the phone call you do not wish to have. I am 14 and a half years “ clean “ and I still view everyday, every ache and pain with dread and fear.
You see, only a Cancer survivor knows the agony of the death sentence that hangs over you every day, every week, every month, every year. We are told we are free but we know that we are never truly free. Once Cancer enters your life, it NEVER leaves. It becomes your constant companion.
I have a friend, my “ Cancer Support Buddy “ Wendy who helped me all those years ago. She had fought Breast Cancer. Me? I had Kidney Cancer. Her phonecalls, her faith, her words kept me going when no one else could “ understand “
I felt so bloody alone. No one could understand how I felt except someone who had been there. In my case, I had Wendy who had “ been there , done that “ and the “ done that “ bit gave me hope. Surely, if Wendy ( who I had never met ) could survive, so could I? She gave me hope and to this day, that hope was what kept me alive. Yes, I had my nasty, diseased and cancerous kidney removed from my body but that lady spurred me on through months of agony, back pain, bleeding and cramps… her survival was my survival.
It took 3 months to get a bed in a public hospital – by which time my tumour had grown to the size of a man’s fist and I was unable to sleep, eat or function from the pain and the anxiety of knowing that I was dying.
That wonderful woman kept me going with her words of encouragement, her faith, her belief in me and my ability to get through.
And I did.
She has subsequently had her Breast Cancer return and she has encountered that black beast called Cancer yet again. It is not fair. It is not fun and it is not at all something that I would wish on my worst enemy.
I often read of lefties wishing Cancer on President Trump or others… these are clearly people who have never had Cancer. If they had, they would never wish this horrific beast on ANYONE, no matter how much they detest or abhor that person.
It is simply not right.
Every day, I wake up and go to the bathroom and look in the bowl to make sure there is no blood. Every time I have backpain I fear that I am “ sick “ again. Every time I feel tired, worn out or out of sorts, I fear that Cancer has come back.
You know, leftie luvvies pontificate and demonstrate and cry out that it is not fair that they do not get their way. They throw tantrums and scream and yell and demand that something must be done about climate change.
Yet, all around the world, in quiet houses and neighbourhood streets, people are daily dealing with Cancer and going to work and mucking on and doing their best – do you hear us moan and groan and scream and cry out and bitch about the Government doing something? No
We just feel our pain and muck on and carry on.
I still get phantom pain from my long lost kidney. Every time I get sick I fear that the black devil is back.
But I do not screech and cry out or DEMAND that Cancer be eradicated. Because I know that this would be unrealistic.
If I could have demanded to be Cancer Free and know that I would be so, I would be there with bells on.
I accept with great gratitude that my Cancer was dealt with and I am able to participate in life.
Yet that black beast still sits on my shoulder, whispers in my ear and invades my thoughts every single day. Nearly 15 years of hearing that voice every bloody day.
Miss Wendy taught me to have FAITH and I struggled at times.
One day, I was walking on the beach with my Mum and I was in terrible pain. I had determined that I would keep walking and keep getting out of bed… but one day, about 4 days before my surgery, I collapsed on the beach and sobbed “ I cannot do it anymore. “ Such was the pain and the helplessness I felt that morning.
I was so thin, so frail and so exhausted.
A neighbour came up and said to me, as he lent me a hand and helped me up “ don’t give up. Please don’t give up. “
I didn’t.
Never give up. Never ever give up. Ever.
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